Longing for Satisfaction

A few weeks ago I had an encounter with Jesus that had me weeping. Weeping joyful tears, that is.

About a month ago, I started to ask myself the question “is God’s love truly enough for me?” And at first I would respond, “Well of course it is!” Because that was the right answer, wasn’t it? But as I began to dig a little deeper. As the Lord started to search my heart while I consistently asked myself and Him that question, I began to realize, I was actually struggling to find full satisfaction in Jesus’ love.

It took a whole lot of vulnerability, humility, tears, embarrassment, and frustration, to come before my sweet Jesus and admit that.

However, once I was finally able to confess that and bring that to my heavenly Father, He began to captivate my heart and move in ways I’ve never felt Him move before.

I started to ask myself the WHYS, the HOWS and the WHATS of why I was struggling with this question of “Is God enough?”

Why am I not fully satisfied in the Lord? Why don’t I think He can truly satisfy the desires of my heart?

How am I letting myself get in the way of God’s love for me? How am I reflecting this to others? How am I going to find satisfaction in Jesus?

What are the things I’m trying to satisfy myself with instead?

As I was able to get fully honest and real before Jesus. Sharing with Him my heart, my desires, my fears, my expectations, my questions, my struggles, He was able to enter in and meet me right there.

He was able to speak to me, reveal things to me, comfort me, and love me.

When I confessed my lack of faith in Him, for being able to satisfy my soul, that was the moment He was able to show me that He can and He will fully bring satisfaction.

All I have to do is surrender. 

So as Jesus and I were working all this out, which was messy and painful, but so sweet and beautiful, He continued to relentlessly pursue my heart.

One morning in particular, I was going through the study my small group is currently doing, and my heart was wrecked by the Lord yet again. That morning, the book had scripture and prayers written out that were to be prayed through. I was expecting to read through these and kind of just continue on with that days material (or catch up on what I was behind on ;)) But God always seems to have other plans. The first scripture they had written down to pray was Psalm 63.

Friends, take a minute to read this, maybe twice, maybe three times, but really read it, slowly taking in all that is being said.

You, God, are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
    my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
    where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
    and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
    my lips will praise you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me.

Those who want to kill me will be destroyed;
    they will go down to the depths of the earth.
They will be given over to the sword
    and become food for jackals.

But the king will rejoice in God;
    all who swear by God will glory in him,
    while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

Y’all, I was destroyed. I didn’t even make it past the first verse without being in tears. But they were such GOOD tears. Because in that moment, all I felt was loved.

I felt God saying, “Megan, I hear you. I see your heart, I see your struggles. I see you and I love you. Cling to me and you will be satisfied.”

In that moment, I felt so persistently pursued, and I realized, when I am earnestly seeking Him, He will satisfy the desires of my heart, with His perfect love, and His love alone is enough.

I kid you not, even as I sit here writing, this song (2:43), which I have never heard before in my life, starts playing. Now if that ain’t a dang thang!!

No one likes to be vulnerable, to bear their soul, the deepest parts of you. The ugly and flawed, because it’s scary and uncomfortable. But I have found such freedom in vulnerability. I have felt heaviness, lifted. Hurt, healed. Sadness, turned to joy. Brokenness, made whole. Longing, satisfied.

Vulnerability makes a path for flourishing.

And so I encourage you, get real before Jesus today. He wants to hear what’s truly on your heart. Don’t sugar coat things with God. Get honest, get vulnerable, allow Him space to enter into the hurt and the mess. Get on your knees and cling to Him, because in those moments, He will truly satisfy our souls.

 

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